Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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