He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Randomize
