Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
