if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
