i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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