I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
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And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
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The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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