Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
