her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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