What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Randomize
