1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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