tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
