Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
