I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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