You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
