just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
