He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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