just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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