can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
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I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
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My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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