did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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