My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
