batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
