my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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