somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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