I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
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