WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize