Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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