i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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