I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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