Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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