no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
