I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
