dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
