The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
