every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
