What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
