it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Randomize
