Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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