I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
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