I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Randomize