I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
