I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
