anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
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