This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
