Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
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