I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
