now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
