We got so high we made milksteak
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
