I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
