She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
being pregnant is like rehab
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
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