please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
