I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.