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this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
23 Men Confess What Gifts Would Brighten Their Day
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.