I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.