drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.