i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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