I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
