What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
