don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
