Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
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On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
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