I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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