you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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