I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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