Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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