Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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