My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
