So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
