awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
