Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
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I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
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Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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