i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
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I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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