as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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