I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Randomize
