so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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