The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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