He uses pillows to masturbate.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
