Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
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